When I growing up I was told that women wanted nice guys, everyone told the same story. If you were nice women would be attracted to you. The media pushed the idea of the snag, the sensitive new age guy. A man who was sensitive, basically a man who was understanding like a womens girlfriend but who she could have sex with. However what the men of my generation found out was that women despise nice guys. The old saying was true, nice guys do finish last, that if a women told you that you were sweet, what that really meant was that she would never have sex with you.
Which is an important point to this whole story because Generation X came of age after the sexual revolution. The promise of which was that sex was available just for the asking. We saw in real life that people could get together without marriage, that parents could have new partners and no one said it was wrong. Quite the opposite, on TV and in the movies the idea that the old outdated rules were over and that new unlimited sex was now available was very common. While pornography wasn't as common as today, we knew that it existed and that it was legal. Since 1970 adultery in entertainment has been portrayed as a breaking of the chains of marriage, the ending of an outdated taboo and as a liberating experience. Non of that was true for those who grew up before 1970.
The rules had changed and people knew that they had but at one and the same time they thought that nothing had changed. People were still people, men were still men and women were still women, they still wanted and desired one another just as they always had. Which is true and not true. Something that I have found amazing was how little people thought about women and how they think. Women were openly regarded as a mystery, a riddle wrapped in an enigma. The feminine mystique was a very popular idea, that women were capricious, illogical and unfathomable. That this mystery made women more attractive, more alluring. A common saying was that it was a womens prerogative to change her mind. To put thought into what made women tick was to take her from her pedestal and to think of her as just a machine or problem. The idea was romantic, but for the males of Generation X it was to lead to much heartache.
This meant that as we became attracted to women and sort to establish relationships with them we often met with failure. When we sort to satisfy our lust, as we had been lead to believe was our birthright, we found that women wanted relationships. However when we sort a relationship we found that women could be as shallow as any man. What had changed? Why did neither the old ways or the new ways work?
Because in the past women only had a small number of options, which was also true for men. In the case of both the best option was nearly always to get married and to become a family. And for the vast majority of men and women that was what they did and for most it was a good life. But as women were provided with more options that was no longer true. Women kept the demands that they had always had, that a man provide, that he love her, etc. and built upon that more demands. Women were told an even bigger lie then men, they were told that in the past they had no options and that now they had unlimited options...neither of which were true. That there was no time limit on their options, motherhood could be delayed without cost, that they could live their lives without men if they wanted, that they should never settle for second best, that only the perfect man was good enough for them. Women are still told these ugly lies.
The older generations thought that the desire for love and sex would push men and women together just as it always had. But when sex with numerous partners is without judgement then there is no real world reason to settle down. And love can sadly be faked. It was not that women no longer wanted to be loved, or to marry or to have children. But to do that you need to pick an option and stick to it and you also need to pick the correct option. Single motherhood is not the best option, divorce is not the best option. Until we remove these options the lies just go on and on.
The society that we live in is simply unsustainable!
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