I have been finding it increasingly difficult to find the mental energy to write. Over the past decade I have been active at the blog, this will be the 904th article that I have written. I have done a podcast and recorded my articles. I have organised festivals and conferences. I have been a senor member of a number of organisations and about 6 months ago something happened that has greatly affected me. I was removed as the President of a group in what can only be described as a coup. Everyone who supported me lost and everyone on the other side won, it was a massacre.
Since that time the feeling that I have wasted my time and all of my efforts have only increased. If this is my reward for turning a failing group into a successful one, if this is my reward from the people who are supposed to be on my side, what is it all for?
My aim has always been to achieve things in the real world. To form groups, have conferences, to be a political activists, to fight back against everything that I hate, to make things change. Instead I became a political philosopher and while I had never intended for that I felt I had come up with some things that pointed the way forward. I thought that there had to be others out there who thought like I did, it turns out that there aren't that many. Not even on the right.
Even within the Melbourne Traditionalists that turns out to be true. At the last meeting two members stood up and gave talks on how they became Traditionalists, they talked about religion. I'm not anti-religious, but I always thought that the Melbourne Traditionalists was a political group. But it has never become what I wanted it to be, I have always wanted it to be politically active, to fight back. Instead it has been a social club for people to come and talk about whats wrong with the world. But no matter where you are on the right that is the main topic.
I'm very strange because while I like to complain as much as the next guy I always wanted to make things happen. But I have not achieved that, I have achieved very little. Partly because most people on the right do not want to make things happen. It has been so amazing to me that for a long time I refused to see what was right in front of me. But I truly was amazed at the passivity that inhabits the right. To give but one example, of the five people who support me on Subscriberstar, three of them know me personally. To get any kind of support is like pulling teeth.
Yesterday, two months in, I received my first comment of the year. It is indicative of this blogs place in the world. Myself, this blog and my ideas are quite obscure, rarely do any of them get any interest. To be honest I don't know why I'm doing this anymore.
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