Feminists used to argue against the double standard, the idea that it was okay for men to be promiscuous but not for women. Now promiscuity is in the long term a bad thing for both men and women, collectively and individually. However it affects men and women differently, something that was once regarded as common sense, but when was the last time you heard someone talk about common sense?
Here I want to write about how promiscuity affects men and women and why the double standard was a benefit to society as long as it wasn't taken too far.
It may not come as surprise to many but men are quite attracted to women, both individual women and women as a sex. This attraction can cause a man to be more interested in lust than love. But having said that I should also point out that men are individuals and this is not true for all men, but it is common enough. When men are serious they are attracted to a women, when they are not they are attracted to all women. And when a man decides to be promiscuous he wants to be as promiscuous as possible. But there comes a time when lust alone losses it's glamour, when a man seeks more than the physical and the impermanent. Bizarrely promiscuity can make him more attractive to women and set him up to want more than promiscuity can provide. Sadly some men never leave and others return to it, but for most men promiscuity is a phase that once over is over.
For women promiscuity is different, emotions play a much bigger part in sex than it does for a man. Most men can engage in sex without any emotional attachment, that is rarely true for women. The reason is a hormone called oxytocin, which bonds a women to the man she has just had sex with. So while in theory promiscuity should provide a women with some benefit, it doesn't. Instead what it does is causes confusion because she feels emotion for men who she shouldn't. Over time this causes a great deal of hurt and heartbreak. Women can come to feel that men are cold and heartless, and not without reason. However this does neither men or women any good in the long term. As a women gets older and decides she would like a more permanent relationship, the most natural desire in the world, how does she put aside her hard learnt emotions that men are cold and heartless? Sadly it is very hard to do so and instead you find women who do not bond with their husband and this never ends well.
I do not know why nature has decreed that men should get a benefit for promiscuity and women should not, but it seems clear to me that that is the case. There are of course other risks associated with promiscuity such as pregnancy, disease, reputation to name only some. But the above is a taste of what happens when everything works right. But even for men promiscuity has it's limits, for an interesting but extremely sad example of overplaying promiscuity read this:
For some good and positive advice on building a more permanent relationship watch this:
The Consequences of "Trading UP"
Update: I wrote this a few days too early, two days after I wrote this another article has been published online with statistics and here it is:
While the title might be off putting the statistics are quite revealing.
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